sam jarvis
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Mating Calls
By Sam Jarvis The blue-eyed, red-breasted phillabrew is a bird of great complexity. Feeding on mainly seeds, it lives much of its adult life high in the treetops resting on branches and pruning its feathers. But in the early stages of adulthood, the male phillabrews retain many of their feathers, aspiring to fluff them out…
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How To Get People To Like You
Always keep an assortment of hard cheeses in your home. (Preferably in the refrigerator not like, randomly sprinkled throughout the rooms.) Wear deodorant. Mind ya damn business. For more tips, buy my audiobook!* *audiobook is fictional.
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Sex Ed
Mrs. Perkins knew she was in trouble the second she set the plastic mold of the female reproductive system onto her desk. The class before her, 20 students and 20 of their parents, looked on with wonder as they sat in the room that was usually adorned with test tubes and Einstein quotes. Today, they…
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The Bachelor Finale Recap: “I’m A Lost Man Right Now.”
Well, shit. We made it to the end and like any great fairytale, I find myself wine drunk and full of meatballs, tearfully begging someone to READ. IT. AGAIN. Chris Harrison immediately teases us with the possibility of a live wedding on After The Final Rose, which is 100% the only way he’s going to get…
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The Bachelor Women Tell All Recap: “It’s Hard To Watch It Back.”
You know when you break up with 26 people, and then they all sit in a room together with a shit ton of fake eyelashes on and talk about you? BEN GETS ME. We kick off the Women Tell All (alternate title: Women Are Mad!) with Ben and Chris hitting up some Bachelor Nation viewing parties.…
