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Tag: funny
When Your Husband Goes Grocery Shopping Without You
Also I know the list says brussels sprouts, but feel free to just grab some cookie dough ice cream instead.
I Wrote My Own Gilmore Girls Revival Script, And This One Has Aliens
As a huge Gilmore Girls fan, this was a labor of love (and silliness). I hope you all enjoy Gilmore Girls: “Aliens Attack Stars Hollow!”
And in case you need to know where I stand personally, Jess > Logan > Dean > Marty > Paul From The Actual Revival > Guy Who Rejected Rory In The Laundry Room at Yale.
Oh, and Luke > Max Medina > Alex The Coffee Enthusiast > Christopher > Gross Guy Who Hits On Lorelai in the Pilot Episode > Jason Styles.
In omnia paratus!
Bachelor Women Tell All recap: “A Buffet Of Glitter And Mic Drops”
We’ve somehow made it to the highly anticipated Women Tell All episode, and let me tell you these women better spill the god damn TEA about each other, because this season has been super fucking boring so far and I’d like to feel the familiar tingle of some dark twisted bachelor dramz fresh off the press. (Longest sentence ever? Maybe!)
Also, why don’t I get invited to these Women Tell All thingys? I live in LA! They probably film it around the corner from my fucking house and yet I get no invitation. Is it because I called Arie a dweeb? Ugh, fine.
The Bachelor recap: “You’re An Old Wrestler”
Brosefs, I get it. This shit is a day late. But aren’t you like, happy to know that I have a real life outside of this and other work obligations? As you’re sitting there refreshing whoissamjarvis.com I bet you’re thinking to yourself, “Wow, I really wish the new recap was up right now, but I’m so proud of Sam for being busy with her other hilarious comedy projects, coming our way in 2018”??? No? K.
When we last left these chicks, Bibiana was still super madsies at Krystal and I’m here to tell you not much has changed in one week. But Chris Harrison shows up to the house to talk about the first group date, and it appears he’s taking a page out of a fictional book I just made up called Mr. Casual: Fashion For The Everyday Man.
I’m Just Going To Leave This Here
Nobody at work cares about this video and they’re all CRAZY.
Bachelor in Paradise: “Who Has The Better Vagina?”
Like a vibrator in need of a new set of batteries, I am starting to lose steam. It’s probably because two fucking episodes a week of this show is pure insanity and I don’t have the emotional stamina for it, OR it could be that I continue to make poor dietary choices and therefore spend half my time feeling tired and the other half wondering if I’m having a heart attack. Sigh.
But tonight’s episode was one only hour, so maybe I WILL get enough sleep and can be a high-functioning adult tomorrow! (I’d settle for a low-functioning adult at this point.)
The Bachelorette finale recap: “I Cried My Eyelashes Off”
Let me start by saying that I watched the first 70% of this finale in Kevin Connolly’s sports bar stuffing my face with rosé and mozzarella sticks, like a woman after my own heart. But then I had to leave early so I could get home and start this recap for you guys because I LITERALLY WORK 24 HOURS A DAY. (Except when I am in my underwear watching The Office.)
The Bachelorette recap: “Let’s Go Meet The Lindsays!”
Like me when I’ve got a Ticketmaster cart full of Beiber pit seats that is :27 from expiring, we are DOWN TO THE WIRE. We’ve got Eric, Peter and Bryan left, so I am settling in for a night of steamy fantasy suites. At least Raven “I’ve never had an orgasm” isn’t here. That shit was a DOWNER.
But Rachel explains that her sister is pregnant as shit, so instead of being separated and meeting her family when it’s down to two, all three of them are going to mosey on over to Casa Lindsay one by one and get that outta the way. I don’t hate it, because honestly the last thing I’d want to do the day after I bone someone for the first time is introduce them to my entire family. 🙂
The Bachelorette recap: “What Does He Want Me To Call Him?”
Welp, my house is filled to the rafters with zucchini noodles, so you know what that means: HOMETOWNS!! Guys, we’re down to the final four and if you aren’t stuffing your face with spiralized squash and Paul Newman’s Sockarooni sauce, ya ain’t doin’ hometowns right!!
Eric’s up first so Rachel is in Balitmore, and is Eric maybe attractive now? He isn’t in a suit that’s twelve sizes too large on him, so now it looks like he mysteriously grew 2 feet.
who is sam jarvis 