We will get through this together, Los Angeles.
I sat, I drank coffee… basically I was super helpful.
Check out Dollface on Hulu! When? I don’t know! Did I write on it? Yes!
So lucky to be writing with such a funny, talented team. ❤
As a huge Gilmore Girls fan, this was a labor of love (and silliness). I hope you all enjoy Gilmore Girls: “Aliens Attack Stars Hollow!”
And in case you need to know where I stand personally, Jess > Logan > Dean > Marty > Paul From The Actual Revival > Guy Who Rejected Rory In The Laundry Room at Yale.
Oh, and Luke > Max Medina > Alex The Coffee Enthusiast > Christopher > Gross Guy Who Hits On Lorelai in the Pilot Episode > Jason Styles.
In omnia paratus!
I don’t always write gritty teen dramas, but when I do, they’re about MOTOCROSS!!
It’s fine, I’m very normal.
If I were wearing a Bachelor mood ring right now, I’m guessing it would say I’m feeling very MEH. That’s a mood, right? I think the color is citron. MEH in the sense that I’m angry at Arie, I’m angry at Chris Harrison, and I’m angry at ABC.
So Chris Harrison stands here in front of an audience and says he’s still trying to process the finale, and I’m just so mad at him! Oh, you’re trying to process that super fucked up thing you did, where you tricked someone and aired it on TV? K. Take all the fucking time you need.
We kick things off by of course reliving the sinking ship that was this season, in particular Monday night’s finale when Arie proposed to Becca then ground her heart up into tiny particles so small that you can’t even see them with the naked eye.
Let me start by saying that this is the series of texts I received from my best friend Ashley, who lives in Chicago and therefore watched the East Coast feed:
So while I prepped my veggie platter and poured myself a vodka soda, HOURS before it started here in LA, I knew I was in for a real treat.
Night two of this shit show, huh?! If you asked me where my life is going, I’d probably be required to say, “Straight to ABC!” because that is how much dedication it takes to be invested in this fucking Bachelor WORLD, ya know?
We’re in Peru for the fantasy suite dates, where he meets Kendall in the middle of absolutely nowhere.
Hope you don’t have to pee, babe.