WOMEN SUPPORTING OTHER WOMEN, Y’ALL!!
Read the Bachelor recaps that made me oh so famous here.
Tag: sam jarvis
Cali Dreamin’
Life iz good!!
The Bachelor finale recap: “Nick’s Desperate Search For Love”
BABYLUVS. WE DID IT. WE ARE AT THE END OF THE LONG, TWISTED, THROW PILLOW LINED ROAD.
The first thing to remember about the end of Nick’s journey is that Chris Harrison pronounces the word finale fin-AH-lee.
He just loves saying it like that. Chris also loves being a grade-A cock tease, because he immediately tells us that some shit is about to go down on After the Final Rose tonight, which leads me to believe maybe there will be a proposal on live television. A girl can dream.
So they’re still in this town in Finland, and I’m starting to wonder if Nick is getting sick of drinking hot chocolate and wearing polar tech socks, but maybe our Wisco boy is into that shit.
Santa Barbara Sun
All of the wine tasted mostly like wine.
PSA
https://twitter.com/whoisSamJarvis/status/839529953540501504
<<drops mic, chugs rosé>>
The Bachelor recap: “I Might Be White But I’m Still A Minority” + Women Tell All
Guys. Grab a snack, pour a beverage, and try to pee, because we are about to settle in for a three hour Bachelor event®, which is longer than I attend most real-life events.
We jump right into the morning-after phase of Raven’s overnight date, and if you’re wondering whether or not he gave her the first orgasm of her sad life, she summarizes the night by explaining that, “Nick is pretty good at what he does, so I’m satisfied.”
I immediately hear myself say ew, while my boyfriend goes, “That lacked subtlety,” before standing up and leaving the room for what I assume will be forever.
Writer Fuel
Pretty in pink.
The Bachelor recap: “I’ve Never Had An Orgasm Before”
BTW, here’s my Oscars recap in two words: SHIT STORM!
We last left off in Nick’s hotel room before the rose ceremony, where Andi Dorfman had suddenly shown up at his door. They both need a whisky, as we all do when we are about to talk to someone we boned on television.
Meanwhile the girls are standing outside waiting for this fool and it looks cold as shit. (“You better be worth this, Nick!” –Vanessa, who has been very complain-y lately)
The Bachelor recap: “I’ll Hate You If You Break Her Heart”
GUYS!! HOMETOWNS!! Let me start by saying that the thought of my parents sitting in a bachelor confessional talking about the love I have for a person I have known for six weeks is HIGHLY SUSPECT, but I love me a good fucking hometown so LET US BEGIN.
We left off in Bimini with Christina’s ass being sent home. The girls are all shook as hell, and when Nick comes to talk to them about what’s happening, Corinne literally can’t even.
who is sam jarvis 