Nope, none.
[via]
The Bachelor finale recap: “I Feel A Little Bit Like A Monster”
Let me start by saying that this is the series of texts I received from my best friend Ashley, who lives in Chicago and therefore watched the East Coast feed:
So while I prepped my veggie platter and poured myself a vodka soda, HOURS before it started here in LA, I knew I was in for a real treat.
The Bachelor recap: “If Arie Proposed To Me Today I’d Say No”
Night two of this shit show, huh?! If you asked me where my life is going, I’d probably be required to say, “Straight to ABC!” because that is how much dedication it takes to be invested in this fucking Bachelor WORLD, ya know?
We’re in Peru for the fantasy suite dates, where he meets Kendall in the middle of absolutely nowhere.
Hope you don’t have to pee, babe.
Me, At Every Dinner Ever
Bachelor Women Tell All recap: “A Buffet Of Glitter And Mic Drops”
We’ve somehow made it to the highly anticipated Women Tell All episode, and let me tell you these women better spill the god damn TEA about each other, because this season has been super fucking boring so far and I’d like to feel the familiar tingle of some dark twisted bachelor dramz fresh off the press. (Longest sentence ever? Maybe!)
Also, why don’t I get invited to these Women Tell All thingys? I live in LA! They probably film it around the corner from my fucking house and yet I get no invitation. Is it because I called Arie a dweeb? Ugh, fine.
I Want To Go To There
When Someone Says They Don’t Like Chinese Food
The Bachelor recap: “What Did You Fly When You Flew?”’
Guys, let me break down the scene in my living room. We’ve got regulars Ciara and Jordan. But today we’ve also got Katie, and Jordan’s boyfriend Charlie. We’ve got energy balls, which are depleting rapidly. We’ve got wine! We’ve got SHRMP MOTHERFUCKING COCKTAIL! So why all this pomp and circumstance, you ask? Because this episode is HOMETOWNZ, and last year around this time Rachel was visiting Dean’s dad, and Dean was just writhing around on the floor in a tiny ball while his father served everybody mung beans. It’s a fun episode, okay?! My watch party is big this week.
Boo!
The only thing floating around in my apartment is smog.
who is sam jarvis 