To the mall, to pick out a Tony’s dress!
Tag: wtf
Me, 24 Hours A Day
I’m Just Going To Leave This Here
Nobody at work cares about this video and they’re all CRAZY.
Bachelor in Paradise: “Who Has The Better Vagina?”
Like a vibrator in need of a new set of batteries, I am starting to lose steam. It’s probably because two fucking episodes a week of this show is pure insanity and I don’t have the emotional stamina for it, OR it could be that I continue to make poor dietary choices and therefore spend half my time feeling tired and the other half wondering if I’m having a heart attack. Sigh.
But tonight’s episode was one only hour, so maybe I WILL get enough sleep and can be a high-functioning adult tomorrow! (I’d settle for a low-functioning adult at this point.)
Bachelor in Paradise recap: “Scallop Fingers”
GUYS, WHOA. WHOA. Let me just start by saying Welcome Back, Me!! I was gone for two weeks (living my god damn LIFE, okay?) and when I got back I said to myself, “Oh, joy! I have two episodes of Bachelor in Paradise to watch!” But y’all know where this is going. I curl up on the couch with my rosé (basic betch, party of one), pull up my DVR, and I MISSED FOUR FUCKING EPISODES OF THIS SHIT?!
Like seriously, ABC. Some of us have jobs and families and stuff. Laundry to do. Things to accomplish besides watching eight hours of beach garbage in the span of two weeks. That being said, mama was excited. And while I’m not going to recap all the episodes I missed, as promised I am here to deliver the ABRIDGED, VERY SPEEDY version before we move on.
I Mean…
When Someone Describes Their Sexual Fantasies
When Your Phone’s Not Working
Everything’s fine I definitely was NOT freaking out.
Halfway Through Mommy Dead And Dearest
<<shoves popcorn in mouth>>
When Someone Asks If I Finished Their Dessert While They Were In the Bathroom
It was the best last bite of tiramisu in the world. It was huge!
who is sam jarvis 