The Bachelor recap: “Yeah, But It’s Just Bowling”

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Guys, I’m going to be real with you because like Rachel Lindsay would say, I like to “keep it 100.” I missed last week’s recap because I was shooting a really cool project and was going to just recap last week’s here for you today along with the new one, but once you watch a new episode you’re kind of like, emotionally moved on from the previous one? So I’m not fucking recapping last week. Sowwy.

We kick off this week with the girls in Ft. Lauderdale, which Arie describes as, “one of the most beautiful places to fall in love.” Um, I can think of at least 50 places that are more beautiful to fall in love. Paris, Florence, New York, Miami, Berlin, Buenos Aires, Barcelona, Madrid, Tokyo, Costa Rica, Knoxville Tennessee, Savannah, Charleston, Amsterdam, Bali, Indonesia, New Zealand, Australia, Iceland, Machu Pichu, Telluride, Hawaii, Austin, Portugal, Bora Bora, Macau, Ibiza, Milan, Santorini, Cape Town, Istanbul, Rio de Janiero, Havana, Alaska, New Orleans, Maldives, Marrakesh, Rome, Kyoto, Chicago, Santa Barbara, Venice, Playa del Carmen, Oslo, Dubai, Cyprus, Holland, Prague, Bruges, and Gijón.

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The Bachelor recap: “You’re An Old Wrestler”

Brosefs, I get it. This shit is a day late. But aren’t you like, happy to know that I have a real life outside of this and other work obligations? As you’re sitting there refreshing whoissamjarvis.com I bet you’re thinking to yourself, “Wow, I really wish the new recap was up right now, but I’m so proud of Sam for being busy with her other hilarious comedy projects, coming our way in 2018”??? No? K.

When we last left these chicks, Bibiana was still super madsies at Krystal and I’m here to tell you not much has changed in one week. But Chris Harrison shows up to the house to talk about the first group date, and it appears he’s taking a page out of a fictional book I just made up called Mr. Casual: Fashion For The Everyday Man.

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