Look I get that I’m posting Monday’s recap later than I usually do, but when god gives you a three day weekend, you’re really supposed to soak that shit in. So what did I do? If you were going to guess, “over-ate Chinese food and writhed around in pain,” you would be correct!! That’s EXACTLY what I did.
And just like that, I’m back again. Like I’ve told all of my exes, “YOU CAN’T GET RID OF ME THAT EASILY!! MUAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!” as I disappear into a cloud of smoke.
I can’t tell you how absolutely TICKLED I am that The Bachelorette has started and my girl Rachel is getting her moment, so let us begin. Since we last saw her, Rachel’s been living in Dallas as an attorney, as evidenced by the fake footage of a trial where they literally make her say, “Objection!” into camera.
We are all that judge.
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