Milo Mills – Ocean Gang
Dream Casserole
You know when a million things from your day end up smashing together into one big dream casserole while you sleep?
Your day:
- You saw a squirrel run up a tree
- Your mom called and said that she mailed your debit card
- A necklace really caught your eye
- You got pissed at your roommate
- You drank a strawberry-kiwi Snapple
Your dream:
Your mom is holding a pet squirrel that is wearing a necklace. You’re on the phone with your roommate, who you are telling off because she won’t give you back your debit card so you can buy Snapple.
Girl Talk: Hilary Duff
Hilary. Duff’s. Instagram. It’s one thing to star in Lizzie McGuire, have a solid singing career, and turn into a best-selling author. It’s another thing entirely to one-up every other famous female in your social media game. Girl is killing it.
She posts picture after picture of Malibu beaches, an ADORABLE son, and super-blonde selfies that make me realize yes, I need to start wearing lipstick because it looks absolutely awesome.
I like it. I like it a lot.
Music On Repeat
Mo – Say You’ll Be There
Yes, Sam Is Short For Samantha
This is going to be hard for you to believe, but every time I introduce myself to a guy and say, “I’m Sam” they respond with, “Is that short for Samantha?”
Swear to God, 9 times out of 10. Next time someone says, “Hi, I’m Tom” I’m going to say, “I know this is extremely obvious, but is that by any chance short for Thomas?”
Plot twist! This all changed when an old man struck up a conversation with me in the Starbucks line this morning. You know how sometimes old people can say things to you and you’re left wondering if what they said was nice, or if they insulted you? This happened 12 times in the course of our brief conversation, ending with:
“I’m Jerry.”
“I’m Sam.”
“Your dad wanted a boy, huh?”
“…It’s actually short for Samantha.”
Music On Repeat
Allie X – Prime
Girl Talk
I don’t care if you rub eye cream in with your ring finger, or sleep in a braid to get beachy waves. There are only two things you need to do to look like a polished human being.
1) Get your eyebrows done. When I say “done” I mean threaded, which does not involve a needle as I once thought. Turns out they use like, dental floss or some shit.
2) Get your nails done at a place that isn’t your living room while Real Housewives is on.*
*Alternative Real Housewives accompaniment activities include: eating Thin Mints (less than a sleeve if you can), drinking wine, and smoking weed.
Music On Repeat
Plastic Plates feat. Sam Sparro – Stay In Love
On Olives
I don’t like olives. Which also means I don’t like blue cheese stuffed olives. “What?! You’re crazy! They’re delicious!” I feel like they should be called vomit stuffed oh-my-god-I-wish-this-was-a-grape.
Redeeming quality: olive oil. Would like to bathe in it.
