I don’t care if you rub eye cream in with your ring finger, or sleep in a braid to get beachy waves. There are only two things you need to do to look like a polished human being.

1) Get your eyebrows done. When I say “done” I mean threaded, which does not involve a needle as I once thought. Turns out they use like, dental floss or some shit.

2) Get your nails done at a place that isn’t your living room while Real Housewives is on.*

*Alternative Real Housewives accompaniment activities include: eating Thin Mints (less than a sleeve if you can), drinking wine, and smoking weed.