<<sighs, eats more gummy bears>>
I mean honestly what the fuck else are best friends for.
Cheap Retail Therapy
Sometimes you just need some things and then are like fuck it let’s party.
“Your hair looks nice today.”
“Thanks, I brushed it.”
I think I’m going to have to stop getting Birchbox. While a box of beauty surprises is oddly satisfying, after a year of getting them I now have eight thousand tiny samples of face masks and serums.
WHEN does one use a serum?? And I’m sure I’m supposed to be putting on face masks more often than I do (never).
In my mind I want to be that girl who skips around her apartment sipping rosé waiting for her mud mask to dry, her satin robe gliding off her newly dipped-in-lotion body. But the reality is I don’t wash my makeup off before bed. Yeah, I said it.
I guess the silver lining is that now my bathroom has a travel-size section, which is easily the best aisle of Walgreens anyway.
I don’t care if you rub eye cream in with your ring finger, or sleep in a braid to get beachy waves. There are only two things you need to do to look like a polished human being.
1) Get your eyebrows done. When I say “done” I mean threaded, which does not involve a needle as I once thought. Turns out they use like, dental floss or some shit.
2) Get your nails done at a place that isn’t your living room while Real Housewives is on.*
*Alternative Real Housewives accompaniment activities include: eating Thin Mints (less than a sleeve if you can), drinking wine, and smoking weed.