
It’s not like you guys have been friends with me for ten years.
[via]

“Wrap them around the other people, Carole.” -Bethenny from the couch, as she aggressively fluffs a throw pillow
[via]

<<opens Postmates app, sighs heavily>>

Call me when you want to discuss pizza rolls.

What about preventative Botox? Is that fine?

I baked crostinis, you ungrateful motherfuckers.