The Bachelor recap: “You’re A Wiener In My Book”

the bachelor promo nick.JPG

GUYS! HEY!! HOLY SHIT I MISSED YOU! I’VE BEEN WELL, THANKS. JUST TRUCKING ALONG, WRITING FOR A TELEVISION SHOW AND CONSTANTLY DYING MY HAIR BLONDE. (ALSO EATING TONS OF BREAKFAST BURRITOS!)

Sorry, I had to use a paper towel as a coffee filter this morning so things are just all WACKY on my end. We kick off this season with Nick passionately exclaiming, “I’m Nick and I’m the Bachelor,” in case any of you were sitting at home going, “Hm, I’ve been waiting for this day for four fucking months, but I can’t for the life of me remember who the big show’s all about. Luke? Chase? A newly single and batshit crazy Josh Murray?” LOLZ.

We check out what Nick’s been up to since he dumped Jen’s ass on a beach, and here he is pretending he still has a job:

nick-viall-chicago

Nice workbag. It’s probably filled to the brim with head shots and Sugar Bear hair vitamins.

Continue reading