You know what I said as soon as I pressed PLAY on my DVR last night? “Oh snap, we in Tuscany.” Yes, I’m known to be very observant. (Also, starving all the time.)
So the gal palz are in Italia and their first stop is Pisa, where Lauren B. immediately asks why the leaning tower of Pisa leans. Um, I bet there’s a fucking sign somewhere real close to where you’re standing that could answer that for ya. You know those museum plaques that are boring and have all the info? Check those.
That is all. Go about your day.
OUR LOVE IS LIKE WHOA, GROSS.
Friends til the end.
Brooke’s birthday, 10:28pm
By Sam Jarvis
The vampire stood in front of the mosquito, trying to keep his eyes on her as she hovered.
“Please, Leonard,” the mosquito begged. “Don’t do this.”
“You’re great, but I just think we’re moving in different directions.”
“But we have so much in common! Drinking blood? That’s a big one.” The mosquito looked helpless. She tried to flutter her eyes, be sexy, but the vampire shook his head.
“I’m dead and you’re a very small bug. I just don’t think it’s going to work.”
“But we BOTH drink blood! That is like, super bonding,” she argued, flying slightly closer.
“Yeah, I get it, we both drink blood. But that isn’t enough to sustain a relationship.” Now the mosquito was getting annoyed. She sighed with gusto.
“What about all of our plans? Our travel dreams?”
“I don’t remember making any specific plans,” he started, now kicking the dirt at his graying, crusty feet. “I thought this was more casual.”
“Casual? You thought this was CASUAL?” Her little arms were now crossed. The vampire sighed.
“Look I like you, but you’re coming off as clingy.”
“I thought we were in love.” Her eyes darted around, tears streamed from her tiny face.
“I’m sorry, but I’m done. You gave my sister four bites and she was itching so badly she needed to go to the dermatologist to get prescription cortisone cream.”
“I thought she was some floosy trying to date my man!”
“I’m not your man, Veronica. And if you don’t leave me alone I’ll have to buy bug spray.”
The mosquito shook her head in disgust.
“You are not the vampire I thought you were, Leonard Van Hausen. Not that vampire at all.”
Read more of my short humor pieces here.
We’re going to make pie.
Sure, Corey.
And just like that, my best friend is a married woman. Seems like yesterday we were watching One Tree Hill and doing our math homework.
Vera Wang looks good on ya, gurl.
The most amazing dress for the most amazing woman.
The Allerton Hotel, 8/31/2014
[Dress by Hayley Paige]
who is sam jarvis 